I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
