its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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