Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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