so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
