There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
