Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
