Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize