I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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