So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
