if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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