i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
