help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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