did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
