My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I love having hate sex.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
