Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
