Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
