Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
