batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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