Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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