and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
