My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
