There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
