She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
