Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
