Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
