i love accidental penises.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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