This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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