I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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