So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize