I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
