So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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