Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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