We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
