Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
