man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
