I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
