I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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