I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
