I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
