thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
