my phone needs a breathalizer
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
