I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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