So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
