covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
