you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
