I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
