Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
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