I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
i need to put some appletini on your dick
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
