Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
