Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
