from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
