he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
