You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
