I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I am available for nakedness
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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