Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Can I color on your dick again?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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