One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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