His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
