Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
