Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You're completely useless in the revolution.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
