gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
