My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
