his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
