I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
