Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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