Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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