My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
