I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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