suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
