you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
