Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We left the knife in your bed.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize