i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
