I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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