Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You need Xanax blowdarts
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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