Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
i am craving dick and cupcakes
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
