for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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