So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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