angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
