The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
