i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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