Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
