I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
