Fine. I'll sleep in my office
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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