and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Randomize
