As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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