i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
