she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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