: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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