I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
