On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
