Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
