I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
