I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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